I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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