She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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