I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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