I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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