I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What a dumb baby whore.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
