mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
