If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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