I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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