My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
