Need sex. Gaining weight.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
