i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
