I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
