She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
