It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
