Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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