ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
