the only muscles i have these days is kegels
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
