We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
