You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
