Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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