i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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