True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
