dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
