ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
A+ Viking dick
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
