Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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