CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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