I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
