im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's always time for handjobs
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
