So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
