Nicole vs. Life
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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