actually, I'm a sock model
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
