she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
MIDGETS
????
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
