Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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