Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Randomize
