i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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