Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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