Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
