He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
