In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
