I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
