Texts From Last Night

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  (319): View more from Iowa

  True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes

  (847): View more from Illinois

  And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.

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  (319): True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes (847): And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me. (319): At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements. http://tfl.nu/k3x0
  Replies (32) Good night (4648) Bad night (795)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.

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  (505): No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey. http://tfl.nu/fq2r
  Replies (3) Good night (2235) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.

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  (631): i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties. http://tfl.nu/jppt
  Replies (18) Good night (4229) Bad night (1219)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.

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  (703): just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking. http://tfl.nu/uhxv
  Replies (15) Good night (1769) Bad night (5367)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.

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  (513): literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night. http://tfl.nu/en91
  Replies (4) Good night (1048) Bad night (3137)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at

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  (630): oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at http://tfl.nu/dl7w
  Replies (5) Good night (923) Bad night (1992)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this

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  (815): ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this http://tfl.nu/mfxc
  Replies (11) Good night (4815) Bad night (1288)
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  (714): View more from California

  If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.

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  (714): If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual. http://tfl.nu/13n4
  Replies (10) Good night (2573) Bad night (1373)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.

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  (859): I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn. http://tfl.nu/8uge
  Replies (5) Good night (1565) Bad night (1122)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?

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  (920): Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right? http://tfl.nu/1c8i
  Replies (1) Good night (1402) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.

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  (402): I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story. http://tfl.nu/wp0p
  Replies (11) Good night (829) Bad night (1987)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair

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  (914): Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair http://tfl.nu/v5lw
  Replies (1) Good night (1785) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...

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  (425): The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious... http://tfl.nu/0tkk
  Replies (2) Good night (835) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.

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  (406): The golf course isn't that incognito for sex. http://tfl.nu/qp54
  Replies (5) Good night (548) Bad night (386)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best

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  (503): I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best http://tfl.nu/0r3u
  Replies (3) Good night (530) Bad night (234)

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