you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
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And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening