I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
