i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
