The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
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i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.