Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.