I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
