id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
