So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
