Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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