You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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