I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize