Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car