before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick