Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
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My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
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They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.