im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.