my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is wine microwaveable?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
