I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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