So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize