I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I want a musical about memes.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
