Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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