at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
