It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
