trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize