Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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