my mouth tastes like poor choices
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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