Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
