I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
