saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
