i jhust puked up my retainher.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
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I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
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That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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