Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
