I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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