While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
