I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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