Yo dont text me then not text me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
