I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize