my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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