The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize