I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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