I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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