Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
