new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
a search helicopter?!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
