I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
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sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
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Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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