covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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