If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
